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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550348">Feel Better</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wings_are_aflame/pseuds/wings_are_aflame'>wings_are_aflame</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>children on thrones and on too tall towers [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Brother Technoblade, Child Neglect, Daddy Issues, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Family Dynamics, Gen, HAHA PAIN, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Regret, brother figure? more like BOTHEr figure, c!dream bad, c!dream deserves the electric chair, c!philza realizes hes a shit dad pog, except its like....not there, i only leave for hurt and to hurt, im sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:22:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wings_are_aflame/pseuds/wings_are_aflame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Philza used to pride himself in raising independent and strong-willed children.</p><p>The lie?</p><p>He never raised them.</p><p>Phil doesn't know if he wants to feel better about that.</p><p> </p><p>Inspired by: Feel Better by Penelope Scott<br/>Might make more sense if you read the first part of the series :]</p><p>edit 07/03/21: added new tags :'] thanks for 100 kudos!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; Technoblade &amp; Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade &amp; Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Tommyinnit &amp; Tubbo, theyre only really mentioned but theyre there</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>children on thrones and on too tall towers [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Feel Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this isnt my best work, but i like it enough to post :]<br/>please to critique me if theres anything i can improve on in writing :]</p><p>leave a comment and a kudos! according to th</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>Phil didn't know if he wants to feel better. Not when two of his sons are dead, to suicide.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Was he built to fail? Is that just what it is? He set himself up for failure. The so-called-father left his sons for dead.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>This wasn't even about him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Sam was shouting at him, explosive anger and mourning. Phil doesn't blame him though, Sam tried, tried really really hard.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Means nothing to the shared grave of two best friends: Tommy and Tubbo.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Everything felt like a blur, from the moment he received the news from Fundy. To now, stood on the ground where his two beloved<strike><em>neglected</em></strike> sons are buried.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>This isn't the lesson they wanted to teach. it was just- the government-...</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>they-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>You can't really look for justification when the people you promised safety to are dead, can you?</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b> <em>Accept it, move on, feel better.</em> </b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>Can he?</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>He doesn't want to.</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Everyday, Phil wishes he can hear Tommy's excited and heavy footsteps running down the stairs and the loud words that somehow insults and makes everyone's day better at the same time. Maybe Wilbur can eat his cereal and bother Techno by putting the milk in first, like he always did, back then. Techno can relax and not worry about <em>his</em>their father shutting down every time the younger ones are mentioned. He wants to cook waffles and brew some hot chocolate for everyone and read or something. Something a family does. <strike><em>ANYTHING A FAMILY CAN BE GOD DAMN IT WHY WASN'</em><b><em>T HE  T HE  R E  F OR  THE M-</em></b></strike></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's crying again. He can hear Sam's shouting. <strike>"YOU DON'T DESERVE TO CRY. LOOK AT ME!"</strike> He can tell Sam is crying too, from the way his voice is hoarse and cracked. They both lost something that day, two kids who died too young with too heavy titles and too painful wars. Too painful lessons and too broken homes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Phil regrets, and he only wants to regret. He doesn't deserve peace, not when his sons came nowhere close to peace. All his sons had were pain brewed from childish bravery and a very strong need for freedom and independence. <em>He would've preferred if they just shouted at him for keeping them too close, but sadly, they had to carry swords and lose lives for this kind of fight, for this kind of freedom. </em>He wishes he could've fixed something, done something for Tommy and Tubbo, at least. Wilbur was enough of a heartache for him, but the way Tommy and Tubbo's lives just slipped past his fingers make it feel like he's constantly getting strangled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Techno stayed with Phil.<em> He should've done the same for them.</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Worried, Techno tried his absolute hardest to keep up with the emotions when he has his own mourning to handle. <strike><em>Why can't he get rid of his sons' pain fOR ONCE GOD </em><b><em>F U C K</em></b><em>-</em></strike></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Phil stays there, sobbing even when his eyes start feeling dry. <strike><em>You only miss them because you feel bad.</em></strike></p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He doesn't like that day at all. Sunny, with the skies clear and all the blooming and happy flowers and birds- <em><strike>Why can't he make his sons like that</strike>?</em> There was no rain either, it was such a clear day.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It's unfair.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Why is it like this when Tommy and Tubbo are dead?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They were never the problem, Phil realizes. It was the adults, those who chose to ignore the teenagers with too little childhoods and too sad lives. Those who chose to manipulate kids to bend to their beck and call. The world that chose two young kids as a scapegoat for wars and evil people.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>Why didn't he protect them?</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It hurts worse when those adults included him. He was one of those adults, staring at them from the obsidian grid with all the explosions underneath destroying what was left of his middle child. Destroying and leaving no area of growth. He punished kids, hurt them, and instead of apologizing and talking it out like a good father would, he poured salt in their wounds and left them no time to lick their own wounds clean. He treated his kids with so much unfair favoritism and now he suffers with it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"They're dead, Phil." Fundy's voice was shaky. Phil is nervous, Techno overhears.</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Who?"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Tommy and Tubbo."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The scream that was hiding itself in his broken heart crawls out of the neglectful father's mouth, mournful and broken. His fists punch the ground, as if the noise could wake his sons up from their deep slumbers. He mumbles their name, hoping they hear and come back from this cruel prank they pulled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"They're dead, Phil." Fundy repeats, "Tommy and Tubbo are dead."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Who killed them?"</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>"Dream."</em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Dream was the cause of this. Why didn't he see it coming?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>From the way Tommy's stare started from being angry to unadulterated fear in a matter of seconds. Tommy's faraway stare when Dream was mentioned. The crying in the middle of the night. The dulled eyes, losing color, losing life.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The guilt eats him up, continues to chew at his heart. Its eating up all his rational thought and leaves no scraps for him to fix. He just can't ever grasp that he sided with the person who destroyed his youngest <span class="u">dead</span> son, Dream. The memory of teaming up with dream, despite the same ideals, makes him want to vomit.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I deserve this." The one father of three thinks to himself. "My sons could've been alive if they told-" He stops himself, swallows the crumbs of his pride, "They could've been alive if I paid attention, Techno." His oldest stares, red eyes staring with a kind of sympathy Phil is familiar to. "Tommy would've been okay if maybe we were less harsh, don't you think?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>His eldest <strike>ONLY</strike> child nods, "Seems our lessons went nowhere."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It did go somewhere, embedded in the minds of children who never wished for things to be this way. It went down in graves, with too small bodies for the big coffins they have.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Phil isn't going to feel better, and he's planning to keep it that way.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i am a masochist.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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